Since the day one of your child, he will be seeing things that can corrupt his mind, and if you will not be careful, you might be unconsciously teaching him that violence is good. There a lot of resources of violence in which our child can learn, especially if he sees that an adult enjoys doing it, or by merely watching it. Here are some of them.
Surrounding
We see them in the news, films, and history books; and even in our own neighborhood. Therefore, we cannot hide them from our children. However, what we can do most is to explain it to them in a very convincing way. We can start by telling the effect of violence, and the advantage of avoiding it, that the hero in the film he watched is just for enjoyment only, and not to be imitated.
I allow my daughter to watch action films as long as we are beside her, and explaining the scenes.
For example, he might meet a bully classmate and your son is his favorite. Though you tried to complain to the school and to the parent, but still have no effect. You then have to try the reverse psychology method. Instead of telling your child to fight back, tell him to be more kind. If you think this is only applicable in the movies, you are very wrong. Children are children; they have a softer spot than us adults.
Sports and Games
Sports and games are very helpful for children, but this does not apply to all. We must understand that in order for sports and games to be helpful, they must be teaching our children to be physically and mentally fit, and to struggle for victory. If the child has negative changes after joining a sport, or watching or playing a game, then the trouble begins.
Violent computer games are getting more violent every day. Even the images of the characters are getting worse, but ironically, children seem to enjoy more. And how can we teach them not to play with them if he will see an adult enjoying it? It’s hard but you have to explain to them the difference between their toys and the toys for the big boys. The best advice I can give is NOT to introduce them to your child. I deleted all the non-educational games in my PC, even before I brought it home.
Other sources of enjoying violence for the children are the World Wide Wrestling (WWW), Mixed Martial Arts and the likes. These are sports, but for mature audience only. Some of them are even providing gimmicks just to attract more audience. However, when a child watches them, it is just OK to hurt somebody since everyone is shouting and clapping when their hero wins. Though boxing is a physical sport also, it shows very minimal violence because of the gloves, strict rules and there is the doctor and referee to stop the game instantly.
We never watch violent sports on TV, much more at home with the kids.
At home
Also called Domestic Violence. This is the hardest among them all. If a child sees his father beating his mother, or the child himself is being hurt physically inside the house, the effect will be worst. This is because the parents should be the first ones to protect them. With this, two things might happen to the child. One, he will be violent, too. There are a lot of cases when the reason for being a bully child is because he sees his father doing violent things, and enjoying it. Or the child may be “shocked” every time he sees violence or even a simple drop of blood. He will be traumatized by his experiences, and therefore will teach him to be coward.
Now if you feel that there is violence inside your house, do not tolerate it. Although it is not that easy for you because the father maybe is the only bread winner, but still you have to stop him. Besides, it is better to live hungry rather than to die with broken bones. You don’t have to worry because there are a lot of government and non-government groups that can help you, and law is very strict on this. Your nearest police station might be enough to start with.
Violence does not only hurt the body, but also the soul.
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Article Source: Happy Family Matters
Is your Child violent?
Mom, Who is my Dad?
This may be the most difficult question a child could ask to a single MOM. If you will notice, I really decided to make this a separate post. This is because I believe that this must be tackled differently.
Anyways, here are some dark past experiences a mother would not rather talk about to her child, but cannot hide forever:
1.0 I WAS RAPED!!!: This is the worst scenario a woman could experience. Having a child out of it is even worst. However, being a good person requires you to keep the baby, and you are so brave to do it. This should be the best character you must be proud of. Although you may have to suffer from another “rape” like endless rumors, self-pity, and low self-esteem, you have to provide some countermeasures, and stick with them.
To avoid further difficulties, it would be better if you re-locate yourself where you can raise your child in “normal” surroundings. If you are working, better get another one. This is not being coward. This is avoiding being “raped” again. Advise your relatives and friends not to talk about it again. Show them good reasons why it they should not.
Do not show any hint to your child about your dark past. This will bother him, and the question might be earlier than you expect. Again, you have been brave enough, so just continue. Live a life and let the devil live in hell.
Prepare for an answer to your child. If you have to tell “white lies” go ahead. However, you should understand that you cannot keep a secret forever. Watch your child’s attitude as he grows. By doing this, you may be able to find the right timing to “reveal everything”.
Lastly, you must be very strong when “revealing everything”. Be careful with the details, revealing the identity of the devil/s might result to another devil. Do not be the devil’s advocate. Remember that you are about his father, and you would not want your child kill his own father. Now matter how good you raised your child, one mistake could lead another. But if your child insists, then you should make an agreement first, that he would be a “good boy” until the end.
2.0 YOUR FATHER RAN AWAY: This may be the result of teenage pregnancy; your man is married before you gave birth, but not to you; or simply his father is too coward to accept the responsibility. All of them have a common denominator, you were not raped. You agreed to his “proposal”, and you are also somehow responsible for the result. Therefore, the man should not be blamed alone. The more you do it, the more you will feel guilty. What’s done is done; do not cry over spilled milk. The best you could do is to tell the whole and real story. This is not to destroy you and the father; this is to teach your child that life is made of bright decisions. Sometimes, lessons are learned the hard way. If you raised your child well, this will not be a problem. This might even help him to be a better person, and parent someday.
3.0 YOU HAVE NO FATHER: This seems odd, but it’s true. There are some women who just wanted a child, but do not want to have a partner. My cousin is a good example. She decided it because maybe she thought she would end like her, left by her father! She just “requested” a man to give her a child, that’s that simple. I remember I even became the “father” during the CHRISTENING because the priest would not allow a baby baptized without a father. I do not know what happened next because my cousin went away. Anyways, I think that she would do the same thing as “YOUR FATHER RAN AWAY”, except that it is you who ran away. Life is a decision; not wanting to have a partner does not mean you will not be a good parent.
Lastly, besides my wife being an adopted, and until now she does not also know any information about her real parents. Myths were told, and my aunt who adopted her has inconsistent stories. But mind you, my wife is a very good mother to our children, and I believe her drak past makes her even stronger!
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
How to handle being a Single Parent
Being a single parent may mean three things: you are divorced, a widow, or happily married but with your spouse is working very far from you, and seldom comes home. Though maybe these three situations have a common factor, they still have different approach towards being a GOOD parent.
1.0 DIVORCED: This is a tough situation especially if your divorce has just started. Chances are the kids do not understand the situation. There may be times your children would want to be with your former spouse which will make you more upset, considering that you EX has a good reason to be divorced. What parents should realize is that the children need the better (or worst) half too; and they have their own right even the law may disagree with it. That’s the truth, although it hurts! Furthermore, avoid telling stories to your children about the “wrongdoings” of your EX. After all, you may also have some of it too. And chances are your stories will be one-sided only. This way, you are teaching them not to hate. Let them research the “truth” and then decide for themselves. By doing this, you are also teaching them to be intelligent, analytical, and not to be judgmental. It will also be an advantage for you. Time will pass, you may learn to forgive, but of course, not forget.
2.0 WIDOW: Loosing your EVERDEAREST will crash your world, and sometimes may make you be the loneliest person ever to live! Mourning and crying is very natural for a normal person. However, you must not entertain this for a long time. Though it is better said than done, but you have to move on. Remember that you are still alive and your children will depend on you, especially now that there is no one else to run to. It is now that they need you most. Use your children as inspirations to re-build your life to be strong again. Accept the fact, and later on, you will understand the reason why it all happened. You may not realize this at once, but the hardest times in our lives can make us a better person, someday.
3.0 HAPPILY MARRIED BUT “ALONE”: There are times that someone in the house has to work away just to earn good money for the future of the children. This is very true, and “they” are increasing here in the Philippines. No wonder why children nowadays seem to be lost. But what parents should realize is that they belong to a happy family with big financial problems. This means that the only problem to solve is how to have a higher income. Here are some important things to be considered doing first before leaving:
3.1 Explain it to your children very well, including the advantage and disadvantage. They may not approve your decision but at least they have the right to know what is happening, and will possibly happen.
3.2 Be prepared for the result, and anticipate the worst. Do not be overwhelmed with the possible positive effect. Remember, it will be the whole family who will shoulder the hardship.
We are now in the generation where communication may be as fast as a lightning. During the first months, have some money to buy a PC and other gadgets for on-line communication. This is a very important factor to maintain the happy family.
3.3 Lastly, do not forget who you are working for…the children and their future. If you feel there will be a great danger if one of you is not around, stay “home” and do your best shot to make ends meet. After all, your savings will depend on your lifestyle.
I CHOSE THE LAST ONE…
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
The Greatest Lesson We Can Learn from our Children
The greatest lesson we can learn from our children is… to be patient! I believe this is very true. From their day one until day end, our children will test our patience.
Did you experience your new born baby to cry like a kitten in the middle of the night, or early in the morning? And yet you cannot do anything during the day because of him, too! But holy cow! Carry him and you’ll hear nothing, except if he is hurt or hungry.
So now that he is a baby no more, it’s now his curiosity that will test you. How many times did he follow you when you say “don’t touch that, don’t get that”, huh? How many questions have you answered repeatedly, while very busy with your other obligations? I wonder if you did not raise your voice, even once! I remember my wife saying, “I think I am going to have a high blood…”
Then, the exciting school days has just begun. This is the time when buying pencils and sets of crayons are like giving money to the charity. How many times did you teach him simple reading while cooking for dinner? When did you find it easy to make his simple school project because you have enough resources?
Ok, let’s skip a bit! He’s on his third year in high school, trying to be the best good looking bachelor in town, but his room is like a scene from JUMANJI? I am pretty sure you’ve asked your daughter to lower the “noise” of her favorite band, while saying, “Hey girl, can you just remove that thing in your ear so you can at least hear me?”
Not to mention when your children will marry someday, and all of their problems will seem to be your problems too.
But if you still need proof on what I am saying, read the story below before you loose patience to your child…
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, “Daddy, I’m sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
How to handle Sibling Rivalry
Some parents might think that sibling rivalry is only for siblings with common interest such as career and hobby. Parents should realize that the moment a child will start to have a sibling, the rivalry begins which may cause sibling jealousy. This phase of a child’s life begins as early as when the child’s mother becomes pregnant again. The child therefore, will notice the change of his parent’s attention to his upcoming sibling.
This gradual change will make the child wonder and start asking about it, which is the most delicate part. Due to the excitement of parents especially mothers to have their second baby, she may neglect her first child. Now, here is what I think parents should realize.
To continue reading
How to minimize Generation Gap
No matter how close you are to your teenagers and young adults, there will always be a generation gap. Some parents think it is only a small problem, and some think that this is not even a problem at all, which is a big mistake. According to wikipedia, generation gap can be defined as occurring when older and younger people do not understand each other because of their different experiences, opinions, habits and behavior. Therefore, these differences make the communication between the parents and their children lesser. Of course, we cannot change anything about these “differences”. But you can meet halfway, somehow. Let’s take culture for example, in which I think is the most common source of the gap. Culture includes fashion, gadgets, communication and music.
1.0 FASHION: I doubt if there is someone in the new generation would want to imitate the Elvis Presley dress code. I was a big fan of the Michael Jackson attire before, and I can say that most of the people at my age loved it, too. Now, I suppose both of them are now called “fashion disaster”.
2.0 GADGETS: Did you say goodbye to your pager? Who has still your walkman, and a lot of cassette tapes? Now the questions are: Is your MP3 or 4 upgraded? Which do you prefer, watching a film in a dark movie house while eating popcorn, or buy a DVD while enjoying the different features?
3.0 COMMUNICATION: We really have to thank MR. BILL GATES, no matter what you say. Communication now is as easy as buying a candy. Emails, texting and wireless communications help us a lot, don’t they? I was wondering when was the last time you went to the post office to send or expect a love letter.
4.0 MUSIC: I do not just love listening to different kinds of music; I am very enthusiastic about it! From Beatles to James Ingram, from Culture Club to Eminem, name it. My life will be a mess without them. That is why I am very thankful to the “revival” songs; they minimize the generation gap between me and my daughter, who is 30 years younger than me!!!
Now, I realized how to minimize generation gap:
1.0 Introduce your culture to your children without telling them that yours are better. After all, they have the “improved” ones.
2.0 Accept their culture, too. Swallow your pride. You might not enjoy them but at least, give it a try. They are here whether you like it or not. After all, you want to minimize the generation gap, don’t you?
3.0 Share each other’s culture. While my daughter is listening to revival songs, I explain to her who sang the original version, etc.
If you do all of these, chances are you are also going to minimize the generation gap between your children and their future children.
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
How to be your Child's First Teacher
Parents should be their child’s first teacher. When your child becomes a toddler, it is very incorrect to enroll your child in a very exclusive school at once and just depend on them to be your child’s first teacher. It is one of the most important tasks of being a responsible parent. Although most parents know about this already, only a few realizes it. You may also think that you have the parent instinct to do it, but sometimes our instinct have some limitations, too. Here are some simple ways to start:
1.0 It is better if your spouse call each other “Mama” and “Papa” rather that the usual “sweet names” such as sweetheart, etc. This way, your little angel can easily remember how to call his/her parents. In our case, when my second child was starting to talk, we call our first child “ATE” (Filipino word for elder sister) instead of her name alone, and now he is getting used to call her sister...ATE ANGELENE.
2.0 Provide informative and attractive posters in your toddler’s room, like Parts of the Body, Different Colors and Shapes, etc. in a place where they could easily be noticed. This will help them get familiar with basic things.
3.0 When reading him a nursery story book, let your child seat beside you and it will be better if you point your fingers to where you are reading. With this, he is starting to get familiar with such letters or words.
4.0 When my son was four years old, my cousin bought him a MEGA SKETCHER as a Christmas present. This is when he started to write, draw and use his imagination. Then, he began copying his sister’s book, as well as children’s encyclopedia. This magnetic board has been my son’s best friend since then. It also keeps his interest to explore more.
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
Freedom of Choice
Do not force your children to be somebody you wanted them to be, or somebody you would like to be, but did not have the opportunity. You might be successful in your career, like a respected attorney, or a successful businessman. But it does not mean your children will follow your footsteps. Although there are some father-and-son doctors, and mother-and-daughter ballet dancers, this is not a golden rule to follow. You may give them some interesting things with regards to your career to convince them. However, your children have their own identities, so give them the freedom of choice. Do not worry if think you cannot pass on your legacy to your children because being successful does not end in your work only. The more important thing is that your children will also be successful in their chosen field, through your support. If you will force them, chances are they will be rebellious and end up nothing. Remember, the most awarded policeman can have the best flower arranger son in town, too.
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
Inspire Before you Expire
Nobody is perfect, and nobody will ever be! It is very hard to be “perfect” in front of your children, but it is nice to be remembered by your children being someone whom they have learned so much. Be patient while waiting in a long line in a supermarket with your son. There are also times that you cannot help but shout to someone over the telephone, or be mad when you cannot find your favorite neck tie when you are in a hurry for work, and simple things like that.
How can you teach your child to say kind words such as “PLEASE”, “THANK YOU” and “SORRY” if they hardly hear it from you?
NEVER quarrel in front of your children. You will be the worst parents if you do so. You must remember that children are very intelligent and they are looking up to you. Whatever we do in front of them is always right for them.
So the next time you are about to park your car in a “NO PARKING” place with your precious son, or before throwing your garbage just somewhere while you are on a picnic with your children, think about it twice! Or else, do not be surprise if your children will do the same, someday.
Inspire before you expire!
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips
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About Guardian Angel
Who is Guardian Angel?
I am a Filipino engineer who recently discovered himself more comfortable in writing letters instead of numbers, and more at ease interacting with humans rather than machines. I am happily married for 12 years and a doting father of two wonderful children.
Why do I blog?
Frankly speaking, I really want to write since I was in high school maybe because my father also writes and read a lot. However, time did not allow me and as I grow up, I feel that writers do not earn good money to provide the needs of a family. But since it is really my passion to communicate through writing, I decided to blog. I feel that in terms of audience and speed it is better than just writing.
Right now, I am only doing this a part time job since I still have an office work not related to blogging. But I am trying my best to do it full time as soon as possible.
Why Guardian Angel instead of my real name?
I chose Guardian Angel as my pen name simply because it is my dream to be one. I would like to use my experience, strength and knowledge to give tips in all the best I can. Anyway, Angel is my real nickname. But I use my real name in some communities and in submitting articles to directories. For social sites such as Technorati and Blog Catalog where Guardian Angel is already taken, I use Pandong which is my nickname in our province at Bulacan, Philippines.
Why Happy Family Matters?
Actually, the first title of this blog is What Parents Should Realize which is also the URL. However, for SEO purposes and for readers to easily recognize it, I changed it to Effective Parenting Tips. But just recently, I deleted my third blog which is entitled Successful Marriage Tips since I really cannot maintain all the three of them. I decided to transfer / re-write some of its contents to this blog and tackle all aspects of a family instead of parenting and marriage only.
Why not blog about other topics?
Actually, I have another blog entitled Humane Blogging Tips which obviously contains useful tips on how to blog effectively. There, you can aslo find quality articles about Internet Marketing and some tips how to make money on line. But blogging about family-related issues is really my passion. I feel that it is my advocacy to inspire spouses, parents and children. This is because I believe that all problems in the world start within the family and how kids are being treated even before they were brought into this world.
The second reason is to return all the kindness that I got from people who treated me nice as I am growing up. This is also to inform everybody that the world is tough and there are evils that must be stopped. Our strongest shield against them is through faith and by having a happy family.
Finally, this is also to let the world know that a product of a broken family like me can still be happy, that being among the poorest of the poor is not a hinder to fulfill a dream.
If you want to know more about me, I made some special posts and hopefully you can learn from them.
How to Treat a Stranger Son
The woman I am married to for 12 long years
Here is also a two-part interview posts to me by Lady Alexys of Soul Meets World.
Angel Cuala: Humane Blogger At Large
Angel Cuala: Blogging Family Style
Thank you very much.
This page has been updated last September 23, 2008 and may be updated again whenever necessary.
If you want to receive my future posts regularly for FREE, please subscribe in a reader or by e-mail. If you have concerns, please Contact Me anytime.
Contact Page
Hi everyone,
This is a page where you have the opportunity to ask me anything that you want to know more about me or anything under the sun. I will try my best to give you the best answers immediately.
You can also give suggestions and opinions that you think I must improve or correct on the way I blog. But no hurting words please, only reasonable criticism.
You are also free to offer me here your services and product promotion.
So go ahead, let me hear your voice. I will be glad to serve you. Please do not hesitate to Contact Me anytime.
Thank you very much and more power!
Pictures are Priceless!
Pictures are said to be priceless! My daughter had her first picture when she was around 45 SECONDS OLD!!! The picture is quite graphic so I cannot share it with you. Anyways, she was then with her umbilical cord around her while still connected to her loving mother. However, it is unfortunate that my “photographer” was quite late when it was my son’s turn.
Anyways, when my children were growing up until they reached their 1st birthdays, they had monthly pictures. We placed them in a single picture frame, and displayed in our living room. Now that my children are quite grown up, they are still very proud of them. They feel that that we really love them so much. There are also times we have to sacrifice a bit in our budget, but what the heck!
We still continue getting pictures of them, especially on their firsts, (first school day, etc.) and even with no special occasion, because among any other valuable things, pictures are priceless!!!
Article Source:Effective Parenting Tips Click Here to Read More..
Best Names for your Child
Photo by Guardian Angel
Every parent wants the best names for their children. For me, it is always best to have your children's name that you really like them to have, not just imitating other's name for a not so important reason. This is because as your children grow, they will be thankful to you for giving them such names.
There are popular personalities you can choose from. Just be sure that this personality has a good reputation, or else your child might have problems with it when he grows older. However, you must also consider your nationality. If you are Asian, it would not be best to give your child’s name that is too western and vice versa. Another thing, think of a name that your child would easily be pronounced or spelled. If you don’t, chances are your child will try to change it someday.
Lastly, avoid giving your children the most common ones, especially if your surname is very common, too. This is because if your child’s namesake will have problems with the law or immigration, your child might be on-hold for traveling outside your country.
By the way, my daughter's name is Angelene which came from my name Angelo, and my wife's name, Mylene. My son's name is Aldrin which sounds like her sister's name. And of course, who would not know Aldrin, who were among the first men on the moon. Interesting, isn't it?
If you want to receive my future posts regularly, please feel free to subscribe in a reader or by e-mail. If you have concerns, please Contact Me anytime.
Article Source: Happy Family Matters
