How to Convince your Husband to Allow you to Work

Photo credited to photo_graphical

Although I prefer women to stay at home as plain housewives, I also respect their decision if they want to work. I even admire their willingness to help their husbands to add income for the family. However, I know how hard it is to convince a husband who is earning good money and wants his children to have a full time mother. Likewise, there are husbands who are afraid that someday their wives might earn more money than they do and their ego will be hurt. With this, here are some helpful ways to convince him that there is nothing to worry about.

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21 comments:

  CastoCreations

April 8, 2008 at 12:22 AM

Too funny. I actually have been trying to leave hints for hubby that I DON'T want to work. Especially if we have kids someday. My house would be SO much cleaner, more organized, more efficient if I had time to stay home and work.

  Guardian Angel

April 8, 2008 at 6:33 AM

Well, I think your problem is very much easier to solve. However, it will depend on your financial status.

Thanks for the comment.

  Jodith

April 8, 2008 at 6:50 AM

*rolls eyes* I'd like to see my husband tell me I'm not *allowed* to do anything! Goodness knows we wouldn't stay married very much longer.

  Guardian Angel

April 8, 2008 at 6:54 AM

I think that is the dream of all wives, to live like a queen.

But nowadays, it can hardly be done.

Thanks for the comment.

  Amy

April 8, 2008 at 9:43 AM

i think it's funny when women take offense to the word "allowed". it's so ridiculous. don't we all sort of "clear" things with our spouses. Using the "allowed" word just puts it more succinctly. People that are offended by it are clearly not comfortable in their own female roles. My husband asks me all the time for "permission" to do things as I do him. It's respect...not offensive. And to the idea of this post, it's very interesting. Many people are in the position of castocreations and husbands are on the other side of the fence, virtually insisting their wives work. I, on the other hand, can relate to this post as my husband, for years has resisted my working even though I make good money (although not more than him). It's the daycare dilemma and is difficult to get around. We've finally found a suitable arrangement but I am grateful to have to fight this battle from this side, and not the other. Thanks for your thoughts!

  Guardian Angel

April 8, 2008 at 6:10 PM

Hi Amy,

I definitely agree with your thoughts. Some women seem to be conscious about their status in the society, esp. when they are professionals before they got married.

Just like your husband, I also ask permission from my wife for certain things. Respect is the word that is why I highlighted in the last sentence.

Finally, it is still the communication that counts.

Thanks for taking time to share your experience. I am sure many women will learn from it.

  CastoCreations

April 9, 2008 at 12:14 AM

Yeah the whole feminism thing really did a lot of harm to healthy marriages. Instead of seeing it as a partnership women get all offended at the idea of working with their hubby as equals and respecting his idea as important. Feminism aims to make women MORE important than their husbands. As if their wishes matter more than their spouses. It's sad.

I don't "obey" my husband but when he really has a strong opinion about something that affects us both I will yield to his wishes. I'm not giving anything of myself up. It's not about domination. It's respect. And love. Because he does the same thing when I am adamant about something.

And to our financial situation - it could be worked out so that we could live comfortably but not as 'wastefully' as we do currently. I'm more frugal though and he prefers to spend our money (we earned it we should enjoy it type of mentality).

Really like your blog. :)

  Rachel

April 9, 2008 at 1:15 AM

Is this really an issue still these days? I mean come on guys you can't really think you can stop anyone from doing what they want do you? I am a stay at home mom by my choice and no one else's, my husband has done nothing but encourage me to do as I please. I would hope to god any other male would do the same for their spouse, and if you don't then seek therapy please.

Rachel
The Baked Blogger
http://bakedblog.com

  Guardian Angel

April 9, 2008 at 6:53 AM

Hi Christine (CastroCreations),

I hope I found your name right. Unfortunately, there are still men who love to overpower women. Apparently, there are also women who are too defensive.

I think this scenario will last as long as there are people who treat their opposite sex as a competitor rather than a partner.

Thanks for appreciating my blog.

PS. I suppose it is your Birthday TODAY?!

Happy Birthday and I wish your family life will continue to be strong and may all your dreams come true.

  Guardian Angel

April 9, 2008 at 6:59 AM

Hi Rachel,

Unfortunately, there are some individuals who still have issues about it.

But I think there are men who do not "allow" their wives to work simply because they feel it is not worth the effort esp. if the children are still young and needs a full time mother.

I am glad you have a wonderful husband who loves and respect you.

Thanks for visiting my blog. Hope you enjoy your stay here.

  Lorie

April 9, 2008 at 7:20 AM

Interesting post ... while I enjoyed reading the previous comments about "allowed" -- I understand what you are saying by using that word. I've been a stay at home mom for 28 years -- have found ways to earn some extra $ whenever we needed it at home. I DO take offense to your first sentence which says "I prefer women to stay at home as plain housewives" -- sorry, there's NOTHING plain about being a housewife! Lorie

  Amy

April 9, 2008 at 11:01 AM

I'm sorry Christine. I hope I didn't sound like i was insulting your choice to work and for the reasons you and your husband decided to do so. I respect anyone in this decision. Women have an awfully hard time wending their way through this career/family thing. Kudos to you for making it work.

  1stopmom

April 9, 2008 at 2:39 PM

This was a very interesting post and the comments too. I can understand both sides. When I saw the words "allow" I was about to fly off the handle. But I understood the post much better after reading Amy's comment. Thanks to you both.

  Guardian Angel

April 9, 2008 at 6:04 PM

Hi Lorie,

I am sorry if you think that I used the wrong word - plain. The word "plain" there means that she is a full-time housewife, taking care of the kids, and managing all the house works. In short, she is not earning money.

My wife does not work ever since and I understand her daily hard work.

Believe it or not, I admire housewives above all other women. In fact, I posted an article about them on my former Successful Marriage Tips blog in which I am also planning to post it here, maybe on my next post.

Again, I am sorry if you got offended and hope my next post can make it up to you.

Thanks for dropping by.

  Guardian Angel

April 9, 2008 at 6:11 PM

Hi 1stop mom,

Actually, I used the word "allow" because I feel that a wife or a husband should ask permission first before making on a major decision.

For me, asking permission is a sign of respect.

Thanks for the visit.

  Joey

April 10, 2008 at 6:44 AM

Hmmm, I guess I did get offended by the term "allowed", but come to think of it, my husband and I do ask each other's permission on a lot of things that affect the family as a whole. I guess the more appropriate term for us is "agree". Because it is not really one person's decision. There is no power play in this, it's just keeping the lines of communication open and agreeing for the sake of the whole family's benefit.

I didn't really have to convince my husband to allow me to work. He knew that that's what I wanted even before we got married, and he's okay with it. Recently, I did ask him if he would have preferred me to be a stay at home wife and mom, and he said no -- because he knew that working is something that makes me happy.

I did have to cut back on my clinic days after my son was born, though. We agreed that it was the best thing to do. I do still work 4 half days a week. He works 6 days a week, but 5 of those are half days and the other day is on-call :) . We share in both parenting and income generating activities. I guess it's really different for everybody. And I'm lucky that we agree on a lot of things.

  Guardian Angel

April 10, 2008 at 6:02 PM

Hi Joey,

Yes you're right. It is the agreement on terms that should be discussed clearly.

I believe that it is very important not only with regards to working housewives, but as a partner for life as a whole. Parenting should not be compromised with any other things.

I am glad you do not have problems with your husband.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

  Lin Burress

April 13, 2008 at 11:21 PM

Hi Angel,

Couples with healthy communication understand the need to discuss and agree on decisions made.

Whether it's about money or how money is spent, working outside the home or not, it all comes down to having good communication.

Thank you for this quality post, and you have by now received my direct email in your inbox.

  Guardian Angel

April 14, 2008 at 12:18 AM

Hi Lin,

I am so happy upon reading your personal mail. You are first one to send me such inspirational mail.

I do not use Twitter but I think I should follow your suggestion.

If you have further notes to send. Pls. feel free to contact me also through Entrecard mail.

Thanks really for including yourself as a subscriber. I hope you find my future posts as interesting as this one.

  wwmum

May 3, 2008 at 7:36 PM

As I reflected on the original post through reading the subsequent comment, I really felt a fundemental shift in my views about coming to an agreement with my husband about taking on extra work. I already do part time teaching but I would like to increase my salary and potential for future promotion. this evening we will dicuss this and I know he is resisitant to the point of defensive. I felt my hard headed approach to this, with th epotential for conflict, dissolve and I fell in touch with his rights to have an opinion about our joint progress. I still really want to work more, but I feel the tone of the discussion will be coloured differently, thanks.

  Guardian Angel

May 3, 2008 at 9:17 PM

Hi wwmum,

I'd like to give emphasize tip # 1. Do you really need to work for your family or for your career only.

Will the sacrifice be worthy?

Whatever happens to your talk tonight, I hope it would be for the betterment of the family.

Thanks for sharing your story