How to Teach your Child to Accept Defeat

Image from Sarah's Serendipitous Chess Page

As our child grows, he will learn how to compete with others. He will discover his talents and other capabilities as a growing individual. Consequently, he will be eager to join contests and feel the excitement of the competition. It can be either be academic contest or a physical sport. Chances are you will allow him to explore in his newly found world. Although deep inside, you are also nervous about the possible result but you are hiding it from him. Now, your fear becomes a reality. Your child did not win. This is the sad part especially if it is first time to join and you saw him prepared so hard just to win. As a parent, it is our duty to come to the rescue. Here are some of the useful tips on how to help him:

1.0 Be a shock absorber. He needs a shoulder to cry on and you must be among the first ones to catch his falling tears. Have your ears wide enough to hear his pain. Allow him to be depressed for a while. It is this tears that he can show his feelings and sadness. It is alright for anybody to cry because it is a part of being human. Hug him tightly and with so much care. It is better if you will not yet talk and take your time to be a good listener. After all, his ears are still closed and your words may not yet be helpful.

2.0 Pacify him. When you noticed that he has somehow released his sorrow, it is now time to calm him down further. Start talking about your feelings about the loss. You can also cry but you must be able to come back to your senses before he does. Your child must get the strength from you and not vice versa. Reassure him that no matter what happened, you will always be there to support him. Show him that nothing has changed on how you love him.

3.0 Never put the blame. Although it seems that the lost was due to his mistake, you must not blame him. Instead, ask him why he made a mistake and be eager to listen to his side. Then try to understand him because the pressure is totally different when you are the one in the field. You must not also do the same if the competition is a group effort. It is easier to judge a particular mistake when you are in the audience. Take note that even Tiger Woods shares some mistakes too.

4.0 Analyze the root cause. You must therefore trace the cause of the defeat. Is it due to the wrong strategies applied, or simply due to pressure that your child cannot manage? In either case, review the whole contest and use a video if there is one available. Then sit down and talk. If you feel that you need to improve his techniques, get some assistance from experts. If you think you have been cheated, get some solid proof and file a complain report. It is very important to know why he lost so that he can prepare for the next game.

5.0 Encourage him. If you feel that he got the talent but he lacks self confidence, you must find ways to build it. This cannot be possible in one process and you have to be very patient in motivating your child. One good way of doing it to show him the records of successful sportsmen like Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali. These two great legends in their respective fields will prove that winning is not just about talent, hard work and dedication. It is also about the courage to face the truth that you cannot always win.

Failure does not mean you loose, it means you still have another chance to win.

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Article Source: Happy Family Matters